🎚️ The Day Your Best Volunteer Walks Out

Hey team,

I've had my role on a church team end twice, and the experiences taught me everything about how we handle conflict.

The first time, I was a volunteer singer and was taken off the platform over a social media disagreement. It was painful, but that pastor followed up with me for years afterward, just to check in. He maintained the relationship. He showed me grace.

The second time was different. I was a paid junior media tech at a church plant. I had a professional disagreement with the worship pastor about technical excellence. It wasn't a moral failure or a personal attack; it was simply a different opinion on how to make things sound better.

Because I pushed for a higher standard and didn't just comply, my role as a contractor was ended.

I believed in the process of mediation, so I reached out to the corporate leadership, asking them to help us find a resolution. They agreed, but the process was flawed. It felt like the goal was simply to keep the peace and protect the more "vital" person, not to find the best solution for the ministry. They sided with the worship pastor and gave no real reason.

I learned a hard lesson: in that system, having a strong, well-reasoned opinion was seen as a problem. It was easier to get rid of a skilled tech in favor of someone who would just do what they were told.

After I was let go, I sent a group text to the 7-person operations team I had served with for two years—the same people I’d rolled gear with out of a semi-truck at 6 AM every Sunday. I wished them the best.

Not a single person texted me back.

Why am I telling you this instead of talking about gain staging?

Because the biggest threat to your sound is a team that has no idea how to handle disagreement.

There's a day coming. A day when one of your best volunteers will be taken off the schedule over a conflict, and the silence they're met with will speak volumes. They won't make a scene. They'll just quietly leave your church and never come back.

We have got to stop this. Passive aggression and conflict avoidance are not signs of Christian kindness; they are signs of weak leadership.

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SUNDAYMIX MAIN LESSON

Main Lesson: A Playbook for Peacemaking

In the financial world, there's a system for disputes called arbitration. The first step is always mediation. It's a structured process designed to keep things civil and find a resolution. We can adapt this professional model for our ministries, grounding it in a biblical framework.

Step 1: Mediation (The Same-Room Conversation)

• The Principle: This is not about one person complaining to a leader who then complains to the other person. True mediation gets all parties in the same room with a neutral, godly third party (like an elder) who has no stake in the outcome.

• The Goal: The mediator's job is not to be a judge, but a translator. They help each person understand the other's perspective and keep the dialogue focused on the problem, not the people. "Without counsel plans fail, but with many advisers they succeed" (Proverbs 15:22).

Step 2: Arbitration (The Escalation for Unity's Sake)

• The Principle: Sometimes, even with perfect understanding, you’ll still disagree. A team cannot remain stuck. Arbitration is the pre-agreed "tie-breaker."

• The Goal: The same neutral leader, having heard all sides, now makes a final decision. The critical part is that everyone on the team must agree in advance to honor that decision. This isn't about "winning"; it's about submitting to a process that allows for unity and forward momentum, as we are called to be "of the same mind, having the same love" (Philippians 2:2).

The Character That Keeps Your Team Intact

How you bring people in is important, but how you keep them and how you let them leave is even more important. If you have a retention problem, you have a leadership problem. More than likely, you have a problem with how you treat people.

If someone leaves your church, let them exit gracefully, but you must also maintain grace yourself. Keep the communication lines open. Just because someone gets upset and leaves doesn’t mean they won’t come back one day, but they never will if you treat them like they're dead to you the moment they disagree.

Don’t be like that.

Action Steps for This Week

1. Decide on Your "Mediator" in Advance. Talk with your leadership team now, while things are calm. Agree on who the wise, impartial person is that can serve in this role, and get your whole team to agree on the mediation/arbitration process.

2. Schedule a Relational 1-on-1. The foundation of healthy conflict is a healthy relationship. This month, schedule a 15-minute coffee with someone on your team just to ask how they're doing. Care about them as a person, not just a role.

3. Practice a "Graceful Exit" Policy. As a leadership team, decide right now that no one will ever leave your church—volunteer or staff—without a personal, gracious follow-up from a leader a week or two later to check on them. This one act can preserve your church's reputation and, more importantly, a brother or sister's heart.

Building a conflict resolution process isn't easy, but the cost of not having one is measured in the good people who walk out your door and the damage done to your church's witness. Let's be leaders who are wise enough to figure this out.

For Those Seeking a Christ-Centered Partner